This Town
by maranda cullen
Summary: Doug's younger sister Monroe is forced to go to Vegas with them. Find out what happens that crazy night. Phil/OC
1. Chapter 1

Alright I've got this new story Idea that won't leave my head for the Hangover. It's called This Town by Frank Sinatra. Let me know what you think of it. Also for the people who read my Supernatural story I will be continuing that I just have had some really bad things happen in my life and then I got super busy but I will start that again soon. So hears the first chapter and I can promise this will be the longest one. Pictures of Monroe's outfits on Profile and I'm also not sure which girl should be Monroe so please let me know which one you think.

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><p>I stood there getting my dressed hemmed by the seamstress when my best friend and future sister-in-law Tracy walked in.<p>

Tracy smiled at me "You are just going to be the prettiest maid of honor Monroe."

Tracy was marrying my older brother Doug. When Tracy and I were assigned to be roommates in college I knew she was perfect for Doug, sweet, intelligent, and beautiful.

I turned my head to look at her "Your only saying that because you just want me to stop being mad at you."

She sighed and walked forward "I know you don't want to go to Vegas with the guys but who else is going to watch Alan and make sure Phil doesn't plan anything crazy. And plus Doug is excited that you're going."

My brother and his two best friends Phil and Stu were going to Vegas for Doug's bachelor party and of course Doug being the guy he is felt the need to include Alan. Which leads to me being dragged along with them because I'm apparently the best choice to take of them and keep them out of trouble.

I glared at her "Of course I don't want to go. Who wants to go to strip clubs with their brother? Also why I don't believe Doug is excited. And no offense Trace 'cause I do like the guy but Alan is off his rocker man. And you know how I feel about Phil."

Phil and I have always had this weird relationship. He would always try to get into my pants and I would always shoot him down. He stopped when he got married but now that he was divorced he was right back at it. And truthfully it was hard to say no to a man that looks like that.

Tracy gave me a look "Well I thank you anyways. I have your bag packed and ready to go in the garage."

I turned back towards the mirror waiting for the seamstress to finish "Does Doug know that Sid is letting us take the Mercedes?"

She shook her head "No not yet. Well I'm going to go see if the boys are done. Come find us when you're done."

I nodded and she left to go find Alan and Doug. After 20 minutes the seamstress was done and I was back in my normal clothes heading toward the garage. What I heard next almost made me turn around and leave.

"Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you."

My eyes widened "Well Sid, thanks for that tid-bit. But we better be going."

Doug nodded "Monroe's right we have to get going."

Sid just looked at us "Remember what I said." And left.

I just shook my head and turned to Alan "Alan, buddy we're leaving."

Alan got up and walked over to the car and Doug was putting our bags in the car.

Alan looked at me "Monroe can I have shotgun?"

I smiled softly at him "Sure thing buddy."

He smiled and got in while I got in the back. The best way to handle Alan is to act like you're handling a child but don't patronize him.

Doug got in the driver's seat and took off. It was a quite ride to the school Phil works at. We got there a little before the bell rang.

Alan started fidgeting in his seat "Ahem, do you have to park so close?"

Doug looked at him weird "Yeah what's wrong?"

Alan shook his head "I shouldn't be here."

I leaned forward "Why's that Alan?"

"I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school."

Doug looked at him shocked "What?"

"Or a Chuck 'E Cheese."

I just closed my eyes and leaned back in the seats and muttered "Just great."

It was only seconds later that I was hit with a bag. I looked up in time to see Phil stepping into the car and Doug complaining about the leather.

Phil cut him off short "Would you just shut up and drive before one these nerds ask me another question."

Doug started the car "Animal."

Phil looked forward at Alan and asked "Who's this?"

I gave him a look "That's Alan, Tracy's brother."

Alan turned around "I met you like four times."

Phil nodded "Oh yeah. How are you doing, man?"

Alan turned back around as Doug was pulling out "Good."

Phil then turned his sights on me "Hey 'roe. Looking fine as ever."

I rolled my eyes "Hello Phil."

Phil put his hand on my leg "I'm glad you're coming with us tonight."

I pushed his hand off "Yeah well just keep your hands to yourself ok?"

Phil just smirked. The rest of the ride to Stu's I had to repeatedly push Phil's hand away.

Doug finally pulled up to Stu's house and turned around "One of you go get him."

Stu lives with his crazy psycho bitch girlfriend of 3 years Melissa. No one knows why he stays with her and none of want to deal with her.

Phil smirked "I got this."

He then turned his body towards the house and cupped his hands over his mouth "PAGING DR. FAGGOT. DR. FAGGOT."

The rest of us started laughing and Stu came out of the house looking like a wounded puppy. He opened the trunk to put his bag in and I handed him Phil's bag too.

He got in the seat next to me and looked at Phil "Thanks a lot Phil. I was just telling her how mature you guys were and then you go and do something like that."

I rubbed Stu's arm "Awe Stewey you know it was funny."

He just shook his head and sat back as Doug started driving towards Vegas.

I leaned back against Stu and put my feet in Phil's lap to get comfortable "Ok road trips make me nauseous so I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when we stop."

Phil started rubbing my calves and I didn't stop him this time 'cause it felt good.

Next thing I know the car is swerving and Alan is laughing while Stu was yelling at him. I looked over at Phil and saw him chuckling. Once I realized that Alan had purposely let Doug try to get over when an 18 wheeler was right there I sighed and made Alan look at me.

"Alan that wasn't smart. That could have killed us."

He stopped laughing "I'm sorry Monroe."

I patted his shoulder "It's Ok buddy."

Knowing I couldn't sleep in the car anymore I pulled out my book and read until we finally stopped at a gas station. We all got out of the car and I immediately ran to the bathroom. When I walked out Phil and Doug were standing in line as the register. I went and grabbed a couple of Carramellos and walked up to them the same time Stu did.

He set his water on the counter and I put my candy with it. Phil pulled me up in front of him by the counter and I gave him a dirty look. Doug turned and looked at Stu.

"All good with Melissa?"

Stu nodded and held his phone up "Oh yeah. I told her we're 2 hours outside of wine country and she bought it."

Phil turned around to face him "Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for 3 years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?"

"Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight."

Phil looked back at me and then back to Stu "Oh so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?"

Stu looked at me for help and I shrugged my shoulder "He has a point man."

He looked back at Phil "Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And if you must know, he didn't even cum inside her."

Phil raised his eye brows "And you believe that." And turned around.

"Uh yeah I do, because she's grossed out by semen."

I snorted at this "No woman is grossed out by a guy cumming in her, swallowing maybe but not that. I will tell you as a nurse that biologically semen in the vagina induce a small orgasm. So she's a liar."

The cashier cleared her throat "That'll be 32.50."

Phil looked at Stu "It's 32.50 you gonna pay for it?"

He then grabbed our stuff and pulled me out of the gas station.

"So you like semen huh?"

I pulled my hand away from him "Not yours' " and walked away.

After we all got back in the car and on the freeway Alan started reading his black jack book again.

"It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?"

Doug shook his head "I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight Alan."

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a fool proof system."

Stu looked at him "It's also illegal."

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."

Phil looked at us "I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."

"Yeah maybe now after 9/11 where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden."

I just shook my head.

Doug looked over at him "Either way you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?"

"Oh really."

"It's not easy."

"Ok well maybe we should tell that to rain man because he practically bankrupted a casino and he was a ruh-tard."

We all chuckled "What?"

"He was a ruh-tard."

Doug shook his head "Retard."

I just shook my head and let Phil pull me against him finally fulfilling my plan of taking a nap.

When I woke up were in Vegas and Doug was pulling up to Caesars Palace. He parked at valet and we got out. Phil was nice for once and grabbed my bag out of the trunk for me.

"Thanks Phil."

He just shrugged "I'm not always an ass."

We were walking up towards the doors when we passed two women checking Phil out and was checking them out in return.

"Here we go."

I shook my head "No, you're always an ass."

He looked at me "You know they have nothing on you Monroe."

We walked inside and up to the receptionist's desk where a pretty brunette was working.

"Hi welcome to Caesars."

Stu smiled at her "Hello."

"Checking in?"

"Yeah we have a reservation under Dr. Price."

Both Phil and I snorted at the "Doctor".

"Okay let me look that up for you."

Phil looked at him "Dr. Price? Stu, you're a dentist okay. Don't try and get fancy."

Stu looked at the girl whose name tag read Lisa "It's not fancy if it's true."

Phil looked at Lisa "He's a dentist. Don't get too excited. And, uh, if someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911."

Lisa just looked at Phil "We'll be sure to do that."

Alan came up next Phil "Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?"

Poor Lisa looked at him confused "What do you mean?"

"I'm not getting a sig on my beeper."

"I'm not sure."

"Is there a payphone bank? Bunch of payphones? Business."

"Um, there's a phone in your room."

Alan nodded "That'll work."

Lisa looked back down at her computer "So I have you in a two bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?"

Doug nodded "It sounds perfect."

Phil leaned forward "Actually I was wondering if you had any villas available."

Stu looked at him "Phil we're not even going to be in the room."

Doug nodded "It's unnecessary."

Stu shook his head "It's no big deal we can share beds. It's one night."

Alan leaned on the counter "If we're sharing beds I'm bunking with Phil."

Then he looked up at Phil "You good with that?"

Phil shook his head "No. I'm not good with that. Guys we are not sharing beds. What are we 12 years old? Lisa, I apologize. How much is the villa?"

She looked at her computer "Well we have one villa available and it's 4200 for the night."

Alan looked at her "Is it awesome?"

She nodded "It's pretty awesome."

Phil looked at Stu "We'll take it. Give her your credit card."

Stu looked uncomfortable "I can't give her my credit card."

Doug reached for his pocket "We'll split it."

Phil looked at him "Are you crazy? No, this is on us."

Stu looked at Phil "You don't get it. Melissa checks my statements."

Lisa, obviously trying to get rid of us the poor girl, spoke up "We just need the credit card on file. We won't charge you anything until you check out, so you can figure it out then."

Phil nodded "Perfect, thank you Lisa. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on."

Stu reluctantly got out his credit card "Fine."

Alan looked at Lisa "Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure."

"You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesars palace is it?"

Lisa looked confused "What do you mean?"

"Did uh did Caesar live here?"

"Um no."

Alan nodded "I didn't think so."

I just looked at Phil "Now you know why Tracy made me come."

He just chuckled.

After we got out key we headed up to the room. And when Stu opened the door, I was impressed. I was looking around and I could hear the guys expressing how awesome the room was.

I looked at them "Well I'm going to get in the shower."

I headed down the hall and picked a room and hopped in the shower. When I got out and walked into the room I saw Phil in there getting dressed.

"Phil!"

"What? There's only four bedrooms."

I sighed and grabbed my things to get ready in the bathroom. When I came out Phil's eyes widened.

"And you won't be with me because?"

"Because I feel like ever since I hit puberty all you've wanted was in my pants."

Phil got really close to me "What if all I've ever wanted was more than just in your pants?"

I shook my head and pulled away from him "We are not having this discussion now, come on."

The two of us walked out to the living room and only saw Doug.

I pursed my lips so Stu isn't ready yet?"

Doug shook his head "Nope."

"Well let's go get him."

We walked into his room to find Stu in his white boxer briefs and on the phone with Melissa. Phil laid on the bed while Doug and I sat in the chairs in the room.

"We uh met the proprietor. What's his name? Um Caesar. Palache. Yeah, like the salad. Okay well listen I gotta go because we're gonna hit this wine tasting. Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye." Stu hung up.

Phil shook his head "I'm not even going to say anything, it's so embarrassing."

Stu started getting dressed "Where's Alan?"

Doug sat up "He uh he went downstairs. He said he had to grab a few things."

"Good because I have something to show you."

Stu did this little flexing dance that made me laugh then grabbed a jewelry box of the table and opened it for us.

Doug got out of his chair "Uh-Oh."

Phil glared at it "What the hell is that?"

Stu handed the ring to me "What do you think?"

"If that's what I think it is I think it's a big fucking mistake."

Stu smiled at us "I'm going to purpose to Melissa at your wedding. After the ceremony."

Doug smiled "Stewey congratulations."

"Thank you Doug."

I looked up from the ring "It's a beautiful ring Stewey, I just don't think you should give it to Melissa."

Stu gave me a look "It's my grandmother's. She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing. It's legit."

Phil shook his head "Wait have you not listened to anything I have ever said?"

Stu looked at him "Phil, we've been dating for 3 years. It's time. This is how it works."

"A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch."

Doug tapped his foot "Hey, that's his fiancée."

"What? It's true. You know it's true. She beats him."

Phil straightened up "That was twice, and I was out of line. She's strong willed. And I respect that."

"Wow. Wow. He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor."

Doug smiled at Phil "Hey, he wasn't a sailor. He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that."

Stu looked at us "Guys I'm standing right here so you know that I can hear everything your saying."

I shook my head "But your obviously not listening if you still want marry her."

Just then Alan walked into the room "Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?"

"What?"

"Do What?"

"Let the dogs out. You know." Alan then started singing the song while shuffling his feet.

Phil looked at us "Who brought this guy?"

Doug looked at Alan "Yes Alan we are ready to let the dogs out." He then turned to Stu "Hey congrats."

"Thank you."

Once Stu was ready we all headed toward the elevator. While we were waiting for it Phil looked at Alan and his man purse.

"You're not really wearing that are you?"

"Wearing what?"

"The man purse. You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fucking with me?"

"It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

"So does Joy Behar."

I scoffed "I hate her. She's so opinionated. She's the reason I don't watch The View. Well her and Elizabeth."

Just then the elevator doors opened and this creepy looking guy was standing up from his slut's crotch "We're going up guys."

Phil just looked at him and pulled me close to him "Yeah that's perfect."

Doug looked at Phil when we were in "We're going up?"

Apparently Phil was taking us to the roof. Stu looked at the door and started complaining about how we weren't allowed up here and Phil told him to shut up. Phil told us to go up the ladder.

I looked at Doug "We are going up last because I know you won't look up my dress and I want you behind me in case I slip."

He nodded and we all went up the ladder. Once we were all up we noticed how great the view was. Alan walked over to us with a bottle of Jager and some shot glasses.

Doug looked at them "Uh-Oh. A little Jagermiester. Good idea."

Alan handed out the shot glasses.

Stu took his and said "This good. I'd like to make a toast. To Doug and Tracy. May tonight be but a minor speed bump in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage."

We all cheered to that with our now full shot glasses and took our shots.

Phil cleared his throat "Alright I would like to talk about something. I want to-"

Alan cut him off "I'd like to- I'd like to say something that I prepared tonight." Alan then pulled this paper out and started reading off of it "Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug and Monroe home, I knew they were one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by two. So there were three of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug and Monroe joined in later. And six months ago When Doug introduced me to you guys I thought 'wait a second. Could it be?' And now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Five of us wolves running around the desert together in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight…" Alan opened a pocket knife "I make a toast."

Alan started cutting his hand and the rest of us freaked out. Alan looked at us "Blood brothers"

Alan tried to hand the knife off but Doug stopped him.

"Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife."

Alan handed Doug the knife and I grabbed his cut hand to examine it. He was fine the wound wasn't to deep.

Phil looked at me "Is he alright? Is he okay?"

I nodded "Yeah he shouldn't need stitches."

Alan started sucking on hand.

"Alright good cause I need everybody to focus. I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about something. I wanna talk about memory. No better yet I wanna talk about selective memory. You see whatever happens here tonight may as well never have happened at all because this circle is as far as it's ever gonna go. In other words, forget everything." Doug started chuckling "Doug I'm serious I've got a bitch ex-wife and a kid. Okay good or bad we don't remember, so we got nothing to talk about. Nothing guys. Nothing. Deal?" We all nodded "Perfect. Alan, come here buddy." Phil filled our glasses again "Alright to a night we'll never remember but the five of us will never forget." We all lifted our glasses and then took our shot.


	2. Chapter 2

Diclaimer: Only own Monroe

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><p>When I came to I realized that I was laying on the floor with something heavy laying half on my back. The next thing I knew was this pain in my side. The thing on back hoped off and I rolled over clutching my side. I opened my eyes and saw Phil next to me shirtless and Alan on the ground not too far from us. I looked down and saw I was only wearing Phil's black button up. I groaned and laid back.<p>

I looked at Phil who told Alan to put on some pants.

Alan looked at Phil frantically "Phil, do not go in the bathroom."

"Al, just calm down. It's me."

Alan stood up and looked even more frantic "Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom."

Stu looked over at us from the chair confused "What's going on?"

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!"

Phil stood up "Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out."

"Don't go in. Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't."

Phil opened the door and looked in. He turned back around and shut the door "Oh fuck. He's not kidding. There's a tiger in there."

Stu looked at him "No there's not."

Phil reached for his blue button up next to me and I stood up. He looked at me "Are you wearing my shirt? Wait, are you naked under my shirt?"

I just sighed "Yes and yes. I'm going to put real clothes on."

I walked out of the room and into my bedroom. I changed my clothes, brushed my hair and teeth, and walked back out into the living room.

I heard Phil say that he would just call someone's cell. I heard a phone ringing and when I walked into the room I saw Alan answering a phone.

"Hello."

Phil looked at him from the couch with his phone attached to his ear "Alan."

"Yeah?"

"It's Phil."

"Oh hey Phil, wait this is Doug's Phone." He hung it up and looked at us "This is Doug's phone."

Just then we heard a baby crying. We all looked at each other and got up and walked over to the closet. We opened the door and saw a baby laying in a car seat dressed in a blue onsie with a blue beanie and blanket.

Phil looked at him "Whose fucking baby is that?"

I leaned in and picked up the baby and started rocking him to soothe him.

Stu looked at Alan "Alan are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?"

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here. Check its collar or something."

I looked up from the baby in my arms "Alan, babies don't have collars sweetie."

"Oh."

Phil rolled his eyes "We don't have time for this. Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later."

Stu looked at Phil "Phil we're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom."

Phil shrugged "It's not our baby."

I glared at him "Quit being such a dick."

Alan looked up "Yeah I've got to side with them on this."

Phil sighed "Alright fine. Okay, we'll take the baby with us. Could you at least just find some pants."

Phil walked off and Alan looked down and then back at the baby "Can I hold him?"

I smiled "As soon as you put pants on buddy."

He nodded and left to pants on. I looked down at the babies carrier and saw one of those chest carriers.

"Stu would grab that."

I pointed to it with my left hand and Stu stared wide eyed at my hand "What the hell is that?"

I looked at my confused "What the hell is wha- Oh my god!"

There was a huge diamond ring on my wedding ring finger.

Stu looked up at me "You got married, Doug is missing, there's a tiger in the bathroom, and a baby in closet."

My eyes got big "Doug is missing?"

Phil walked up behind me "Stu you weren't supposed to tell her until we knew something for sure."

Stu looked at Phil "We do know something for sure. Monroe got married last night."

Phil looked at my hand "Holy hell."

I glared at them "Later. We have to find my brother."

Alan walked back to us wearing pants "Can I hold the baby now."

I sighed "Put on that carrier and I'll strap him in."

After we got the baby strapped in we left to the elevator. We stood in it in silence. Stu pulled his make-shift ice pack off his mouth.

"Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?"

Phil crossed his arms "Because we obviously had a great fucking time. Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute? Be proud of yourself."

"I don't know Phil. Maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth. Or maybe it's because there's a tiger in our hotel room, which incidentally is completely destroyed. Maybe it's because Monroe got married and we don't even know to who. Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know. Maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby. That's it. That's it. It's because we found a fucking baby."

Alan stood up straight "I don't think you should curse around the child."

Stu looked at him "Really? I don't think you should be around a child."

The elevator door opened and this older woman walked in and looked at the baby.

"Oh, how cute. What's his name?"

Phil looked around "Ben."

Alan snapped "Carlos."

The woman looked at me confused "It's Ben. He just refuses to acknowledge we didn't name him Carlos like he wanted."

She nodded and looked away.

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><p>Phil, Alan, and I were sitting around a table by the pool with Carlos waiting for Stu to get back from looking for Doug.<p>

"Hey Phil, Monroe. Look."

We both looked at Alan who grabbed Carlos' wrist and made it look like he was jacking off.

"He's jacking his little weenis."

Phil chuckled "Pull yourself together, man."

Alan looked at Carlos "Not at the table Carlos."

We all chuckled a little and Stu came and sat down with us.

"I looked everywhere. Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here."

Phil shook his head "He's fine. He's a grown man. Seriously Stu you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice."

Phil put a glass of juice in front of Stu and Stu vomited.

"I can't have juice right now."

Phil grabbed a pen and a napkin "Alright let's just track this thing. What's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

Alan was closing his eyes "Well the first thing was we were on the roof and we were having those shots of jager."

At the sound of jager Stu looked like he was going to vomit again.

I ran my hands through my hair "And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?"

Alan nodded "That's right. And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there."

Phil nodded while writing "That sounds right. No, no. he definitely was."

Stu shrugged "Yeah, you know what guys? I don't even remember going to dinner."

Phil put the pen down and leaned back "I know. What the fuck. I don't think I've ever been this hung-over."

Alan smiled "After the Hard Rock I blacked out. It was like emptiness. Ha ha."

Phil sat back up "Okay. We have up until 10 pm so that gives us a 12 hour window where we could have lost him."

Alan reached into his pocket and pulled something white out "What is this?"

Stu's eyes widened "Oh, my God. That is my tooth. Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?"

Phil perked up "No, this is a good thing. Check your pockets. Check your pockets."

Since I wore a dress last night and didn't bring a purse I just leaned back and watched the guys empty their pockets.

Stu picked up a receipt "I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio at 11:05 for $800! I am so fucked. "

Alan picked up a ticket "I have a valet ticket from Caesar's Looks like we got in at 5 am."

I looked up from baby Carlos "Oh shit. We drove last night?"

Alan laughed "Driving drunk. Classic." He looked up at Phil's arm "What's on your arm?"

Phil looked down and saw the hospital band "What the fuck?"

Stu leaned over and grabbed Phil's arm "Jesus Phil. You were in the hospital last night."

Phil shrugged "I guess so, yeah."

Alan looked at him "You okay?"

Phil looked at Alan weird "Yeah Alan I'm fine."

Stu leaned back "What the hell is going on?"

I looked at Stu "It's a good thing. We have a lead now. We can head to the hospital, I can check out Phil's records and we can ask the doctor some questions."

"Hey, Stu, watch this."

Stu looked up at Alan and saw him making Carlos jerk off again.

"You ever seen a baby do that?"

"Dude, Alan, not cool."

* * *

><p>After paying for breakfast we all went to get the car. Phil and I walked over to give the valet the ticket. We were standing at the desk.<p>

Phil handed the ticket over and looked at me "So you got married huh?"

I shrugged "I guess so. I think the worst part is that I don't even know to who."

Phil smirked "Even worse than the possibility of us having sex?"

I gave him a look .

He chuckled and looked down "We'll find the guy and get you guys an annulment. Although if it was me I wouldn't let you get away so easy."

I looked at Phil confused "What do you mean?"

He was about to answer when the clerk came back. He turned and faced the clerk and finished up there. He took the receipt and we walked back over to the guys.

Alan looked at Phil "Hey, Phil, I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes."

"Relax, we'll be careful."

"My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge-"

"Alan. We got bigger problems here. Doug could be in the hospital. He could be hurt. Let's worry about the car later."

Stu looked up "Uh, guys? Check it out."

We all looked up and saw a mattress impaled on a statue.

Alan stated what we were all thinking "Is that the mattress from Doug's room?"

Phil shook his head "What the fuck?"

We all walked over to a couple of guys dressed in golfing attire.

Phil got the guys attention "Hey, man, what's going on here?"

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night."

I looked at him "No shit."

"Yeah. Some guys just can't handle Vegas."

The guy shut his trunk and got in his car. He drove off and a cop car pulled in its place. My jaw dropped at the sight of it. I started hitting Phil's arm to get his attention. He turned and saw it.

The valet got out the car "Here's your car officers."

Stu looked at it "Oh God."

Phil pushed his glasses up "Alright, everybody act cool. Alright, don't say a word. Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on."

We all walked to the car and I got in the front while Phil got in the driver's seat. I was putting on my seatbelt when I heard crying.

I looked back and saw Stu looking at Carlos.

"You just nailed the baby."

"Are my glasses okay?"

"Your glasses are fine dick."

They got into the back and we took off.


	3. Chapter 3

We had been sitting in traffic for a while and Stu was still freaking out about the cop car. I sighed and leaned my head against the window.

"This is so illegal."

Phil looked back at him "Can't you see the fun part in anything?"

"Yeah we're stuck in traffic with a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?"

Alan looked at him "I think the cop car part is pretty cool."

Phil looked at him through the rear view mirror "Thank you Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it."

Stu looked at me "Come on Monroe you can't tell me your happy with this."

I looked back at him "Stewart my brother is missing and I'm all of a sudden married. A stolen cop car is the least of my worries."

Phil was looking at the traffic impatiently. He honked the horn and yelled come on out the window.

I shook my head at him "Honking and yelling is not going to clear the traffic up magically Phil."

He looked around "Yeah your right. Check this out."

He flipped on the siren and started to pull onto the sidewalk.

Stu started freaking out "Oh no, Phil don't. Oh no. Don't do this!"

Phil just kept driving "Take it easy."

"Just try to call more attention to us."

Phil picked up the speaker "Attention please. Move out of the way. I repeat, please disperse."

I started laughing as people jumped out of the way "Ok now this is fun."

Stu kept complaining in the back "Phil stop the car. I want to get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over."

Phil just ignored him "Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack."

She smiled at him and I raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at me and shrugged.

Stu started yelling "Get off the sidewalk! Get off the Sidewalk!"

Phil just ignored him "I should have been a fucking cop."

It didn't take long to get to the hospital with Phil's special way of driving. We walked up to the nurse's station and I smiled at them."

I pointed to Phil "He was in here last night and he still has a few questions for the doctor. Can you tell us where we can find…" I grabbed Phil's arm band and read the name "Dr. Valsh?"

The nurses pointed us to the third floor. When we got up there we found Dr. Valsh walking down the hallway.

Phil called out to him "Excuse me Dr."

He turned around and looked at us "Oh it's you guys again. What do you want?"

"We don't remember last night and I was wondering if you could tell me why I was in the hospital last night?"

He looked at us for a minute and nodded "Yeah but you'll have to come with me while I do a check up on a patient."

We followed him into a room with and old man just in his underwear. He sat down in front of the old man "Look, I already told you. You came in here with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal. Although none of you could articulate very well how it happened."

Phil looked around "Do you remember how many of us were here?"

"I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby. And one other guy."

Stu got excited "That's our guy. Was he okay?"

Dr. Valsh nodded "Yeah, he was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were." He turned his attention to his patient "Alright lean forward. And turn."

He pulled down the old man's underwear and told him to cough. I looked at Phil "Now you know why I work in labor and delivery. "

The doctor finished up and handed him his robe and told him the nurse would be in soon. He got up and walked out of the room with us trailing behind. He stopped and washed his hands.

"Guys I really got to go. I have surgery up on the fourth floor."

Phil reached in his pocket and pulled out a hundred "Yeah I know. But we just need a couple of more minutes of your time."

Dr. Valsh looked at the hundred "Yeah tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me."

He walked over to the desk and grabbed Phil's file and started reading it as we walked.

"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. arrival. Minor concussion like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard."

Stu leaned forward "Do you mind if I take a look. I'm actually a doctor."

Dr. Valsh looked at him "Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist. Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system." The boys stared at him with blank expressions while I tilted my head in confusion "Ruphylin. Roffies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug."

Phil looked at him "What? So , you're saying I was raped last night?"

Dr. Valsh looked at the file "Actually… I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

Alan laughed "Doc none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?"

Phil looked up "How could someone have drugged all of us?"

"Look I wouldn't worry about it by now it's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go."

Stu held up his hand "Wait doctor is there anything else? Like something we were talking about or someplace we were going?"

"Actually there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

Stu looked at him "Yeah, no shit. Our friend Doug is getting married tomorrow."

Phil reached for the doctor's jacket "You know I want the hundred back."

The doctor leaned away "No, no. Easy. You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel. You guys kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. Okay I really hope this helps. I really have to leave."

Phil pulled out his napkin and a pen "Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?"

"I do it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor not a tour guide. Figure it out for yourselves okay? Your big boys and girl." And with that he walked off.

I glared at him "It's probably my wedding and he won't tell us how to get there, ugh."

I pulled out my found and called information for directions. Once I got them we took off. It didn't take us long to get there. I looked up at the cheesy little chapel and groaned.

"This is most likely where I got married."

We all started to get out of the car and Alan looked at Carlos.

"What about the baby?"

Phil shrugged "Just leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes."

Stu looked at him "Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car."

"He'll be fine. I cracked the window."

Phil started walking to the chapel and I sighed "Fine but I am not happy with this."

"You never are."

We walked in and up to the little counter. Stu looked around "What if they don't remember us."

I looked back at him "Well, let's just find out."

We walked into the chapel part where a man and a woman were hanging some decorations.

Phil called out to them "Excuse me, sir? Hi."

The man turned around and got really happy "Oh look at this guys. What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?" He started hugging us "How are you my friend." He grabbed Alan's face "Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy." He hugged him and Alan returned enthusiastically. Eddie looked at Stu "Listen, let me tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man."

Phil looked at Stu surprised "this guy?"

"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on, you fucking crazy mother fucker? I thought he was going to eat my dick. What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?"

"No, no. It's not that, Eddie. Uh it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."

Alan looked at him "Yeah was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?"

Eddie laughed and looked at me "Do we do weddings here, haha you are cracking my balls man. I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing? Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on. Unbelievable man. Look at this chick. Beautiful ass, no fucking brain." He looked at Phil "Not like yours huh? But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're gonna get sex. That's it here, man. No problem for me, though. You want some chicks? I can get you some chicks from the Eastern Bloc. No questions. Clean. Tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that."

Phil cut him off "Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug. Do you remember him?"

"Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey."

I chuckled at his description while the guys agreed.

Stu looked at him "Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?"

"You don't remember nothing?" We all shook our heads "Come I show you friends."

He led us over to the counter and handed me and Stu each a book. Stu flipped his open first and groaned. There was a picture of him with a beautiful blond and it was obvious they had just gotten married.

Alan looked at the picture "Congratulations Stu. You got married."

Stu looked sick "This—this can't be happening."

He started flipping through the book some more and I turned to mine. Obviously it was my wedding album and it would show who I married last night. I opened it up and saw a picture of me and Phil kissing. My eyes popped open "Oh, no."

Phil leaned over "What?" he saw the picture and started smiling "Well look at that. We got hitched."

I glared at him. Stu was still moaning about his marriage. Eddie and his girlfriend came back with a box filled with stuff with Stu and his wife's face on them. Eddie was explaining what they were and called the girl Jade.

Phil looked at him "Jade?"

"Yeah and she's beautiful man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that. But that's because she had a baby."

"That explains the baby."

"Stu don't worry we can get these marriages annulled." I looked at Eddie "Do you do annulments here?"

"Of course I do annulments, breaks my heart and gonna make me sad but it's no problem. Good price for you. I can't do it with just him though. I need the chick. I need both parties. I can do yours now though."

Phil stepped next to me "Well we need her address. She filed out paperwork right? And we aren't getting annulled."

Eddie nodded and yelled for his girlfriend to go get the paperwork. I looked up at Phil with eyebrow raised "We aren't getting an annulment?"

He looked down at me "No of course not. I told you earlier that if it was me I wasn't letting you go and meant it. I mean it's not conventional and shit but I think it's great."

"Why? Why is it great?"

"Because now we're together and this proves that it was always about more than just getting into your pants for me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've always kinda loved you."

I smiled and looked down "I think I kinda loved you too."

Eddie interrupted our moment with the address for Jade. Phil and Alan grabbed a box and we headed out.

Alan looked at Phil "What about my dad's car?"

"I'm sure it's fine. Maybe Doug has it."

Stu glared at the boxes the other two men were putting in the car "Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it."

Phil stood up straight and looked at him "Torch it, who are you?"

"I don't know, Phil. Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs. This hat. This car."

Alan protested to Stu ripping off his hat.

"It is all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching it."

Phil looked at him "Whoa whoa I'm a school teacher, I got a kid and a new wife okay? I'm all for secrecy but I am not going to torch a cop car."

"Fine I'll do it."

Alan looked at Stu "Can I Help?"

I groaned and shook my head. I tuned them out and went to go check on Carlos. He smiled and reached for me when he saw me. I grinned and picked him up. I bounced him on my hip to make him giggle. The guys walked over to get in the car and I handed Carlos to Alan so he can buckle him up in the back seat while I got in the front. Stu got in the back while on the phone with Melissa.

Alan looked up front from baby Carlos "It'd be so cool if I could breast feed."

Me and Phil looked at each other and then Alan, hardly believing what he just said. This orange car peeled into the parking lot and stopped in front of us. Two men got out and started yelling at us. Phil started yelling back when they hit the window with a baseball bat. Carlos started crying and Stu was lying to Melissa about what was happening. Eddie came out from the chapel with a golf club and started yelling at the guys. The guy pulled out a gun and told Eddie to stay out of it.

Alan saw the gun "Phil he has a gun."

"No shit he's got a gun!"

Stu hung up the phone and Phil hit the gas running over the guys foot making him shoot Eddie in the shoulder. Stu started freaking out in the back and Phil slammed into the orange car and a bus bench pulling out into the street.

Phil looked at us "Okay. Whoa that was some sick shit."

Carlos started to cry and Stu rubbed his belly trying to calm him down. He looked at us and started yelling "What the fuck is going on?"

Phil looked back "I have no idea."

Stu's phone started to ring and Phil looked back at him "Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail?"

"Ha-ha-ha. That's a fake laugh by the way."

Phil looked over at me "Are you okay?"

I nodded "Yeah, let's just get to Jade's and see if she knows where Doug is."


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing.

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><p>We arrived at an apartment building that looked sleazy. Stu looked at it like it was his worst nightmare.<p>

I patted him on the shoulder "It could be way worse. And who knows you could really like her."

Stu glared at me and started walking up the stairs. We all followed and Alan started talking about how we reminded him of a certain movie.

"It's got uh Ted Danson and Magnum PI and that Jewish actor."

I sighed "Three men and a baby Alan."

Alan smiled "Yeah that's the one. We're three men and a baby except for the fact that we have a woman also."

Stu looked back at him "Shut up, Alan. What room was it again?"

Phil yelled from back of the pack "Its 825."

As we were getting closer the blond woman from the pictures walked out on the phone. As soon as she saw us she lit up.

"I found him. I'll call you back." She hung up and reached for the baby "Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie." She turned to Stu "And I missed you." She leaned over and kissed him aggressively.

Phil nudged me "How come I don't get kissed liked that."

I looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

Jade pulled away from Stu "What the hell happened to you guys?"

Phil smiled at her "Actually we were hoping you could tell us."

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to go get coffee and I came back and you were gone." She looked at Stu "Why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet."

"Haha you're so cute. I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside you guys."

Phil put his hand on my lower back and started to lead me inside.

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Alan said from behind us with a tone of disappointment.

Phil looked back at him "Yeah I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud."

I chuckled causing Phil to look at me and smile. He held his hand out to me and grabbed it letting him pull me inside with him. We walked over to the couch and sat down next to each other.

Jade smiled at all of us "Would you guys like something to drink? I have water, tea, juice, and some milk."

Stu raised his hand "I wouldn't mind a glass of tea."

She smiled at him and went to go grab him a glass. She poured it and looked at us "Ok, what's up. You guys are acting weird."

Phil let go of my hand and leaned forward "Look, it's Jade right?"

Jade handed Stu the glass "Very funny Phil."

"Right, Jade, uh you remember our friend Doug."

"Are you kidding he was the best man at our weddings."

"Exactly. Well we can't find him and we're getting worried."

"Oh my God, that is so Doug."

I tilted my head in disbelief, one night and the broad thinks she knows everyone in and out.

She twisted a little and Stu saw her left hand. He spit out the tea he just drank.

The baby started crying and Jade started to comfort him "Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna go clean him off. It's alright, daddy didn't mean it."

Phil turned to Stu "What the fuck man, you gotta hold it together."

"Holy shit."

"She is super hot man." I pinched his side "Not as hot as my wife but you should be proud of yourself."

I laughed at the last statement.

Stu looked really freaked out "She's wearing my grandmother's ring!"

"What?"

"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?"

"Fuck, ok."

"She's wearing it."

Of course Alan chimed in with "I didn't know they gave rings out at the Holocaust."

Phil and I turned and gave Alan a look.

Jade walked back out with the baby "He's ok. "

I smiled "Oh good."

"He was just hungry, he's fine."

Phil leaned forward "About last night , uhm, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the weddings."

Phil reached in his pocket for his note "The wedding. Okay. Great. And, uh what time was that at?"

We looked over at Jade who was pulling her shirt down to feed the baby. We all looked away except for Alan.

"Well, it was, um… I guess it was around one, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler."

Phil looked up at her trying not to stare at her exposed boob "And was Doug there then?"

"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu."

She did a little roar at him and Phil and I laughed.

Stu raised his hand "I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

Jade looked at Stu confused "You know this, I'm a stripper."

Stu mouth closed real tight "Mhm."

"Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."

Phil nodded "Smart."

Stu shook his head in disbelief "Savvy."

Jade got a huge smile on her face "But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor."

Phil and I couldn't keep the grins off our faces.

Stu shook his head "I'm just a dentist."

Jade got a confused look on her face. I leaned over Phil and looked at Stu "Now, now. Don't be modest after all aren't you the one that says a dentist is a doctor?"

He looked at me to reply but the door was suddenly busted in and two cops ran in screaming and holding guns at us. The baby started crying and we all raised our hands in the air. The cops made the four of us get up. They put us all in handcuffs and stuffed us in the back of the police car.

* * *

><p>We were all chained up in the police station while Phil called Tracy on the pay phone. A cop wandered over to us with a group of school kids that were obviously on a field trip.<p>

"So after we take their mug shots we bring them down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville."

The kids laughed and the cop led them away. One kid stopped to take a picture with his phone and Alan kicked it away. They glared at each other for a moment before the kid walked away.

I looked at Alan "What was that all about?"

"He didn't ask to take my picture."

I shook my head at Alan and looked at Phil who was trying to convince Tracy that it was a good idea that we stayed an extra night.

I looked back when I heard a cop yell out our last names. Phil hung up with Tracy and the boys tried to untangle themselves. It was funny to watch Stu hop over their arms and Alan to be dragged backwards as we walked to the interrogation room. Once we were in there we were unhand cuffed and told to sit down at the table where a female officer was sitting looking at some papers. A male officer walked in and started talking to us.

"Lady and gentlemen. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes."

Phil and Stu were elated when the officer told us that. I however couldn't shake the weird look he was giving us.

The officer nodded "Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning parked at the Las Vegas Boulevard."

Phil rubbed his mouth "In the middle, that's weird."

The officer nodded "Yeah, that is weird. There was also a note." He pulled out a napkin "It says uh 'Couldn't find a meter but here's 4 bucks.'" He threw the napkin on the table. "The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."

Phil looked stunned "Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible. No we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding."

The female officer leaned forward "You stole a police car."

Stu leaned forward "We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it."

Alan nodded "Yeah, if anything we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy."

I put my head in my heads "I'm dealing with idiots."

The male officer looked at us hard "I see assholes like you every day."

The female officer chimed in "Every fucking day."

The guy turned to his partner and started to imitate dumb tourists "Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!"

The started making whooing noises and waving their hands around. I leaned back and gave them a weird look.

The guy turned to us "Let's steal a cop car because it'd be really fucking funny."

They stopped and the female officer looked at us hard "Thinking you gonna get away with it. Not up in here."

The guy yelled "NOT UP IN HERE!" at us making me jump.

I nudged Phil to say something "Oh, uh, sir, if I may, um, I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Look I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip that would look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?"

Stu looked at Phil "Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?"

Phil smiled that charming smile of his "No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night." They officers gave each other a look and I knew that Phil had them "But look, the point is I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course ma'am. What do you say?"

The cops looked like they were thinking it over. The female officer pushed a clipboard to her partner and pointed at something on the page. He looked at it and laughed. He looked up at us "Let me ask you a question: Do, uh, any of you have a heart condition or anything like that?"

I furrowed my brows "I do. Why?"

Phil and Stu looked at me weird "You do?"

I shrugged "Yeah I have dilated cardiomyopathy. I've had it since I was a kid. How do you guys not know about it? I mean it's the reason why I barely drink."

Alan nodded "I knew."

I looked at Phil "He knew and you are supposed to be my husband."

Phil just shrugged.

The female officer looked at the guys "The rest of you are good though right?"

Phil nodded "Yeah, why?"

The cops smiled "Then I think we have our deal if you gentlemen agree to help us in a demonstration for the kids today."

The guys nodded and the officers led us to a room and the other officer that was giving the kids their tour led them in and had them sit down.

The male officer stood in front of the kids "Okay kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect."

I nearly laughed at that and the kids looked impressed. I looked at the guys and they looked worried.

The cop picked up some stun guns "Now, there is two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal." While the guys were distracted with each other the cop hit Stu with the hand held one. Stu screamed and dropped. The kids started laughing at his misfortune.

The cop was fiddling with the gun "Or you can shoot it from a distance. Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?" All the kids rose their hands "All right. How about you young lady. Come on up here. All right." A young girl walked up to the front and the cop turned and faced us "Let's go handsome, come on." Alan started to move forward "Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy." Phil got this weird look on his face and walked forward.

The cop turned to the girl "All right it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim, and shoot. All right?"

She nodded and he handed her the gun and stepped back.

Phil looked at the girl "Ok look, you really don't wanna do this."

The girl looked at the cop "You can do this just focus."

She nodded and looked back at Phil "Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through. "

The cop looked at Phil "FINISH HIM!"

The girl shot and got Phil in the junk. The cop started laughing "Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful."

I knelt down by Phil who was grabbing himself and red in face "Oh honey."

The cop looked at the crowd "Well done. Give her a hand everyone."

Everybody started to clap including Alan. I hissed his name at him to make him stop.

The cop took the gun back from the smiling girl "Good job, well done. That was great. Good. Hey we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?"

All the boys rose their hands and the cop pointed out one boy "How about you big man. Come on up here."

The got up and started walking to the front and glared over at Alan. I realized that this was the same kid that Alan had the confrontation with before and knew this was not going to end well.

The cop handed the boy the gun "Okay same instructions. Just point, aim, and shoot."

The cop backed up and the boy faced Alan with the glare still on his face. He slowly rose the gun making the red dot run up Alan's chest. The cop was encouraging him the whole way "There you go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good. You're holding fifty thousand volts little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning."

At this point the red dot was on Alan's face and boy shot hitting him in the face. The cop started laughing again "In the face! In the face!" Alan was still standing, although not very steady. "Oh, he's still up. He's still up. All right everybody relax. Take it easy." He picked up the hand held one and got Alan in the neck making him fall over "We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge. There we go. Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots. All right kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done huh? Alright lets go."

He led all the kids out of the room. His partner, who was still laughing, looked at me "When they can walk again you're free to go. Just hand this to the guys at the impound lot and they'll get you your car." She handed me some paperwork and walked out of the room laughing while I stayed kneeling next to my husband.


	5. Chapter 5

Merry Christmas everyone :).

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>We had been sitting at the impound lot for a few minutes listening to Stu bitch and moan about them being tased.<p>

"Fuck those guys, you hear me? That was bullshit. I'm telling everyone that we stole a cop car."

Phil sighed "They let us go, who cares?"

"I care! You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny. That's police brutality."

I raised an eyebrow "Police brutality? Stu you agreed to the demonstration."

"They didn't tell us they would tase us! You must have known cause where did this heat condition come from?"

I glared at him "I've had it for years and you of all people should know that!"

"Why? Why should I know that?"

"Because you're my dentist Stu! I have to tell you what medications I'm on and you never wondered why I was taking beta blockers? C'mon Stu!"

Alan looked over at us "I knew."

Stu looked at him "How did you know?"

Alan shrugged "I saw her taking her pills and asked what they were for."

Stu took a deep breath and looked at me "I'm sorry. I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?"

We all said no and he walked off to the soda machine.

Phil shook his head "My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ. "

I nodded "Yeah I don't think I like hysterical Stu. He always gets like this."

Phil looked at Alan "Alan, you okay?"

Alan looked at us "I'm just worried. What if something happened to Doug? Something bad."

Phil faced him "Come on, you can't think like that."

Alan looked down "I mean what if he's dead? I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died."

I leaned over and rubbed his arm "I'm sorry sweetie. How'd he die?"

"World War II."

Phil nodded understandingly "Died in battle?"

Alan shook his head "No he died skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II."

Phil shook his head "Alan, Doug is fine."

"Then why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know but we're going to figure it out."

And of course at that moment Stu the rain cloud turned the corner "I'll tell you another thing, 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit."

I hissed "Stu."

He just continued "No seriously how much you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?"

"Stu!"

Phil stood up "That's enough. Alan's seriously worried okay? Let's not freak him out anymore."

Stu walked over to Alan "Sorry Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay."

We heard the car approaching and Stu and Phil turned away moaning about how they can't look. Alan and I faced forward awaiting the car. It pulled up in front of us in perfect condition.

I looked at dumb and dumber "You can look now, the car is totally fine."

Phil turned around and acted like he wasn't worried "You see? It's gonna be alright."

We all got in the car with Phil driving and Stu in passengers seat and Alan and I sitting in the back. Phil started driving and the rest of us were looking for clues as to where Doug could be.

Phil looked at us "Anything?"

Stu was looking at his feet "Um I found a cigar."

Alan picked something up off the floor "Oh, I found, uh, these are some black shoes."

I looked at their small size "Are they women's shoes?"

Alan shrugged "I don't know."

Stu reached back and grabbed them.

Phil looked over at them "Whose are those?"

Stu looked inside "I don't know. It's a men's size six."

I furrowed my brow "Those are tiny for a man's shoe."

Alan picked something off the ground "What is this, a snakeskin?"

We all looked at it and saw it was a condom. Stu groaned "Oh come on!"

Alan threw it at him and Stu shrieked "That's a used condom Alan."

He threw back at us and I twisted to dodge it. It landed in Alan's lap and he started laughing. Stu and Phil we're yelling about getting it out of the car. Alan threw on Phil's shoulder.

Phil looked at it with a grossed out face "I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ guys!"

He started swerving trying to roll down the window and throw the condom out. He pulled over in the lot next to us.

He looked at us "Alright what the fuck man? We gotta get this shit together guys!"

He paused and we all started hearing a thumping noise in the back.

Alan furrowed his brows "What is that?"

We heard it again and Stu looked back "It's from the trunk."

He looked at Phil for a minute then looked back rapidly "Doug's in the trunk!"

We all started scrambling to get out of the car with Phil swearing the whole way. We rushed to the trunk with Stu yelling at Phil to open the trunk. Phil opened it and him and Stu looked in it with smiles on their faces calling out Doug. Instead of my brother a naked Asian man hopped out of the trunk and landed on Phil. He started hitting him with the crow bar in his hand. Phil threw the man from him and the man turned and hit Stu until he fell. He then turned to me and whacked me across the face and knocking me down. He turned to Phil and did the same thing and the turned to Alan.

Alan was backing away while trying to calm the man "Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!"

The man was swinging the crowbar around "You gonna fuck on me?"

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you! We're on your side. I hat Godzilla. I hate him too. I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants."

The man threw the crowbar at Alan, nailing him in the face, and ran off. Alan fell to the ground holding his face.

Phil groaned "What the fuck was that?"

We crawled over to the car and sat up against it.

Stu was holding his stomach "I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911."

Phil looked up "That was some fucked up shit. Who was that guy? He was so mean."

I groaned in pain holding the left side of my face.

Phil looked at me "Let me see Roe."

I turned my face towards him and he hissed "Jesus. You're gonna have a shiner on your cheek and everyone's gonna think I beat my wife."

I groaned "Great. Tracy is going to love this in the pictures."

Alan huffed "Guys there's something I need to tell you. Last night on the roof before we went out I slipped something in our Jägermeister."

Phil looked at him sharply "What."

"I'm sorry, I fudged up guys. "

Stu sat up "You drugged us."

"No I didn't drug you. I was told it was ecstasy."

I leaned over to look at him "Who told you it was ecstasy?"

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store."

Stu shook his head "Why would you give us ecstasy?"

"I wanted everyone to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night."

Stu looked at him enraged "But it wasn't ecstasy Alan, it was roofies!"

"You think I knew that Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter."

"I'm sorry. You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?"

I sat up a little straighter "Let's just calm down."

"You fucking calm down! He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore."

Alan looked over at him sharply "How dare you. She's a nice lady."

Stu glared at Alan "You are such a fucking moron."

"Your language is offensive."

"Fuck you!"

Phil stood up "All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay? Seriously this is a good thing. At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason."

Stu snorted "Yeah you're right Phil, it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you three of: Our best friend Doug, your brother Roe, is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth-head butt fucking his corpse."

Alan shook his head "That's highly unlikely."

"It's true."

Phil pulled Stu away from Alan "That doesn't help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys. Let's go back to the hotel and I'm gonna make a couple calls. Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep."

I looked up at Phil and raised my hands "Phil."

He looked down at me and helped me up.

Alan raised his hand at Stu "Stu, a little help."

Stu knocked his hand away "Shut up."

Stu opened the door the same time Alan moved to stand up and hit him in the head. Alan cried out and Stu looked at him.

"Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay? Alan I'm sorry."

Stu helped Alan up and they got in the car.

* * *

><p>We got back to hotel and headed to our room. We were almost to the door when Alan stopped us.<p>

"Wait, guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"

Phil threw his head back "Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger. How the fuck did it get in there?"

Stu glared at Alan "I don't know because I don't remember."

Alan looked at him "Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh the roofies is memory loss."

Stu stared at him "You are literally too stupid to insult."

Alan nodded "Thank you."

Phil looked back at them as he was slowly opening the door and hissed at them. We all entered the room cautiously while hearing "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. We walked forward and Phil looked at me "Did we leave the music on?"

Alan slammed the door shut behind us and Phil snapped at him to be quite.

"Don't make any sudden movements."

Phil turned and ran directly into someone. The guy shrieked and turned around.

Phil hopped back "Who the hell are you?"

The guy glared at him "No, who are you?"

Someone behind us yelled quite. He turned around and revealed he was Mike Tyson.

Phil looked at him "Mike Tyson?"

Mike looked at Phil "Shh, this is my favorite part coming up right now."

The song got to the chorus and Mike air drummed with it and started singing the words.

He looked at us "I need a chorus line guys."

Alan started sing the backup vocals.

"One more time guys."

We all san g the backup vocals and then Mike punched Alan out. We all went to Alan's side.

While I was checking him over Phil looked at Mike "Why did you do that?"

The man with Mike turned off the music "Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom."

Phil stood up "Hold on that was completely unnecessary. I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes that was-"

The body guard cut Phil off "Explain."

"All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened."

Stu nodded "It's true. We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. If you wanna kill just go ahead cause I don't even care anymore."

Phil turned to him "Stu what are you talking about?"

Stu shrugged "I don't care."

The body guard cut in on the argument "Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?"

Phil shrugged "We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up."

Mike shook his head "I don't believe these guys, man."

I stood up and looked at the two men "Wait, how did you guys even find us?"

The body guard held out a jacket "One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning."

Stu looked at it "That's Doug's."

The guy threw it to him "Yeah Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there."

Phil looked at him "That's our missing friend."

"I don't give a fuck."

Stu looked up "Did you guys see him?"

Mike shook his head "I was fast asleep."

The guy nodded "Because if he was up this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly."

Mike looked at him "Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar."

The guy took off his hat "Respect."

My eyes widened "What happened to Omar?"

Mike looked at me "Don't worry about Omar. He's not with us no more."

Phil put his hand on my back "Okay I know this is asking a lot but do you think we could go to your house and look around see if there's any clues about our friend?"

The guy nodded "Absolutely. How else do you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?"

He turned to leave with a "C'mon champ." Thrown out for Mike Tyson to follow.

Phil followed them "I'm sorry?"

The guy turned around "We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back. What you think, about 40 minutes?"

Mike pointed at us "Don't make me come back for him."

And with that they left. Stu turned to Phil "That was Mike Tyson."

Phil snorted "Yeah, no shit that Mike Tyson."

"I'm just saying he still got it."

Alan groaned and turned on his back. I kneeled next to him. Seeing Alan knocked out on the floor gave me an idea on how to get the tiger back safely.

* * *

><p>Alan was awake and was currently shoving the rest of the roofies in a raw steak we ordered. We were going to feed it to the tiger to knock it out while the guys take it back to Mike Tyson. Stu was moaning about having to be the one to give the tiger the steak.<p>

"It does not seem fair."

Phil shrugged "It's rock, paper, scissors. There's nothing more fair."

"Alan should do it."

Phil looked at him "Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson. Come on. For Doug."

Stu looked at Alan peppering the steak "Why are you peppering the steak. You don't know if tigers like pepper."

Alan looked up "Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."

Stu looked at Phil "Phil just do it. You should do it."

"I would but you lost. It wouldn't be right."

Alan handed Stu the steak "Okay I jammed five roofies in there. Just go in there and throw it to him."

Stu took the steak "Fine." He got up and took the steak to the bathroom.

Phil looked at me "Are you sure you don't want to come with us when we take it back."

I nodded "I'm sure. There isn't enough room for the four of us to sit in front and besides, someone should clean this room."

Phil nodded and we heard Stu scream and ran back to us. He looked at us "What do we do now."

Alan looked at him "We wait."

I started picking up the room while the guys sat down. I shook my heads at them. A few minutes later Stu sat down at the piano and started playing.

"_What do tigers dream of_

_When they take a little tiger snooze?_

_Do they dream of mauling zebras_

_Or Halie Berry in her Catwoman suit?_

_Don't you worry your pretty stripped head_

_We're gonna get you back to Tyson_

_And your cozy tiger bed_

_And then we're gonna find _

_Our best friend Doug_

_And then we're gonna give him_

_A best friend hug_

_Doug_

_Doug_

_Doug_

_Dougie_

_Dougie_

_Doug_

_Doug_

_But if he's been murdered_

_By crystal-meth tweakers_

_Well then we're shit out of luck"_

We heard the tiger drop and the guys went to go put him on the luggage cart we grabbed. When they had him on there I threw a sheet over him so no one would see the tiger. They wheeled him out of the room and Phil turned back to me.

"We shouldn't be gone long."

I nodded "Okay well be careful."

He nodded and leaned forward and gave me a small kiss. He then turned and walked the tiger to the elevator. I closed the door and leaned against it. I sighed "Oh boy."


	6. Chapter 6

This story is almost done. I have like 1 chapter left.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

><p>Once the guys left I started cleaning the villa. The place was so trashed it took me an hour to clean the bedrooms alone. When I was working on the living room I just couldn't help but wonder where half this shit came from. There was a chicken, a blow up doll, beer pyramids, you name it and it was there. I was walking around picking up the trash when the boys walked in.<p>

I looked at them as they sat down on the couch "So did you find anything about Doug?"

Phil shrugged "Well he was there when we stole the tiger."

I nodded "So that's good it narrows down when we lost him."

Stu snorted "No it's not. The little Asian guy from trunk smashed into us on our way back with the guys that pulled a gun on us at the chapel. Apparently they were betting on Alan's hot streak at a craps table and won eighty grand which he put in his purse that was identical to Alan's."

I groaned "Oh no."

Stu nodded "Yup. They switched purses and now we have to give him eighty grand at dawn or else he'll kill Doug."

My widened "WHAT?"

"Oh did I forget the part where they have Doug?"

I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands. I sighed and looked up "So we find the purse we find the money and we get Doug back."

Phil shrugged "Pretty much."

I stood up "Well what are we sitting down for. Let's go find that purse."

Stu and Alan went to go look in the bedrooms while Phil and I looked in the living room. After a while Stu came back to the living and was looking in the couches. I was crawling on the floor looking under things when Alan walked out of the bathroom.

"Guys I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. It's not anywhere."

Phil walked away from the counter he was checking "Fuck. Stu how much you got in the bank?"

Stu looked up at him "About ten grand. Maybe more. I was going to use it for the wedding."

Phil walked towards us "Well you're already married so we're good there. Besides enough of Melissa. She's the worst."

Alan looked up from the sofa cushion "Yeah Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something."

Stu looked at us "It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?"

Alan picked up a slice of pizza from the couch and took a bite.

Stu looked at him with a grossed out look "Ew, Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?"

Alan nodded. I shook my head at them "What are we going to do?"

Alan pulled something from the couch "Hey guys."

Stu jumped up "Did you find it?"

Alan shook his head "Nope. But check this out."

He held up his counting cards book. I looked over at Phil and saw the look on his face.

"What?"

He looked at me smiled "We're gonna play some black jack. Stu I think you should invite your new wife to join us."

* * *

><p>Phil's brilliant plan was for Alan to play using Stu's money with us as his entourage and Stu and Jade were going to play as well pretending that they didn't know us. Alan stood at the table and watched for a while. When he was comfortable he joined the table. Phil kept running his hand up my thigh under the dress I put on.<p>

I kept smacking him "Phil stop."

Stu and Jade walked up to the table "Hey, uh, these seats taken?"

The dealer shook his head "No feel free."

Stu and Jade sat down and joined the table "Alright let's play some black jack."

They started playing and Alan was dominating. He was making big bets with big payoffs. Phil kept getting overly excited and yelled vulgar things when Alan won a hand. His favorite thing to do was to grab me and kiss me. At one point he flipped the cameras off. Stu and Jade were doing really well as well. Alan would give them very random signals that were extremely discrete to let them know whether to hit or stay. When we had been there for a couple of hours Jade started laughing hysterically letting us know that it was time to bail. We grabbed our chips and booked it to the window to exchange them. We met Stu and Jade at the front with the car. Stu told Jade he would call her.

I walked over to her and gave her a big hug "Thanks for the help doll."

She smiled "It was no trouble really."

I hoped in the car with the guys and we took off. Stu was counting the money to see if we made enough.

He finished counting and looked up at us "With all this, that's $82,400."

Phil started cheering "Oh, goddamn it. I don't believe it. Alan you are the man."

Alan smiled "You are too Phil."

"We should come back next week and take the whole city down."

Alan nodded "I'm free next week."

Stu raised his eyebrows "Or we could just focus on getting Doug back right now."

Alan frowned "Oh you know what, next week is no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that is totally fine."

We all gave Alan a look. Phil chuckled "Well I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around guys. We are back baby. We are fucking back."

Stu turned around to face Alan and I "We're back. Classic." He then proceeded to sing "_We are back. We are back and we are getting Doug back."_

Alan smiled and picked up where Stu left off "_And we're the best four friends that anybody could have. We're the best four friends that anyone could have. We're the best four friends that anyone could have. And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, leave each other."_

He started to sing the song again. I let him get out a few more lines before I stopped him "Alan sweetie that's enough."

He smiled and sat back humming his tune.

Phil looked around "I think we're almost there."

* * *

><p>We got to the spot and pulled up in front of a black SUV.<p>

Phil turned the car off "Now what?"

Alan leaned forward "Give him the signal."

"What signal?"

"Flash your lights. Let him know it's on."

"What's on?"

"The deal."

"Of course it's on. We just drove thirty miles into the desert. He knows it's on."

I sighed "Just do it Phil."

He sighed "Fine."

Phil flashed the lights and the guys got out of the SUV.

Phil looked at them in shock "Oh shit."

Alan looked at him proud "See?"

Phil reached for the door "All right, let's go."

We got out of the car and Alan fell while going through the window. The man from the trunk started laughing.

"Funny fat guy fall on face."

Phil looked at them "Alright we got the money, eighty grand, cash."

The Asian man looked at him "Throw it over. Then I give you Doug."

Stu cleared his throat "Uh, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. And second we didn't catch your name last night."

"Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow."

"Mr. Chow it is a pleasure. My name is Stu. And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money just to verify that he's okay. If that's cool."

"Of course Stu. That is cool."

Chow clapped his hands and said something in a different language. One of his boys opened the back door and pull a man out with a bag over his head. The guys were happy to see that he was okay but I couldn't help but feel that something was off.

Mr. Chow motioned at him "See, he fine. Now give me the money or I shoot him and I shoot all you motherfuckers. And then we take it. Your choice, bitches."

Phil looked at Stu "Give him the money Stu."

Stu tossed the bag over and one of Chow's men caught and quickly counted "It's all there."

Chow looked at the other man "Let him go."

The man walked Doug over to us and pulled off the hood while chow said ta-da. In front of us stood a black man. I frowned. I knew he was too tall to be my brother.

Phil looked at Chow "Is this some kind of joke. Who the hell is this?"

Stu pointed at the man "That is not Doug."

Mr. Chow looked at us "What are you talking about Willis? That him."

Stu shook his head "No I'm sorry Mr. Chow. That's not our friend."

Alan looked at Chow "The Doug we're looking for is a white."

The henchmen pulled the tape off of 'Doug's' mouth. 'Doug looked back at Chow "I told you you had the wrong person little boy. Damn Alan, what the fuck you got me into?"

I looked over at Alan "You know him?"

Alan nodded "Yeah, this is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. How you doing."

'Doug' looked at Alan "I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs."

Stu pointed at him "Wait, he sold you the Ruphylin."

'Doug' looked confused "Ruphylin? I sold you that ru-? Wha-?"

Phil yelled at them "Who gives a shit. Where is Doug?"

"I am Doug."

Alan looked at him "Your names Doug?"

"Yes, I'm Doug."

"His names Doug too ha. Classic mix-up."

Mr. Chow walked back to his car.

Phil took a step closer to him "Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug back."

"Not my problem."

"No fuck that shit. Now, you give us our eighty grand back and take him with you!"

Doug walked over to Phil "No. okay come on man. I'll be your Doug."

Chow chuckled "Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts. Mmm. How that sound?" He mimed jacking off "So long gay boys."

Phil walked closer "Wait a second."

They all got in the SUV and drove away. Alan asked id Doug had any ecstasy.

I looked over at Alan "Now is not the time to be asking for drugs Alan!"

Phil started walking in a circle "God damn it!"

Alan decided to mimic him "Gosh darn it."

Phil kicked the dirt "Shit!"

Alan did the same "Shoot."

I leaned back against the car and put my head in my hands "Oh my God."


	7. Chapter 7

Last one. I should post the sequel soon.

Disclaimer:I own nothing

* * *

><p>We drove for a while in silence. Finally Phil broke the silence.<p>

"I think it's time we called Tracy. The wedding is today and I don't think we'll find Doug by then."

Stu sighed "Finally. Yes call Tracy."

Phil pulled over and we got out of the car. Phil walked away from us to call Tracy and other Doug went to go pee. I sat on the hood next to Alan and watched Phil in the distance for a few minutes before putting my head in my hands in defeat.

Doug walked back over to us "Thanks for the lift back to town."

Stu stood up straight and looked at him "I got a question for you."

"What's up?"

"How did you wind up in Chow's car?"

"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday."

"Okay, but why? I mean, why you?"

"He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging out at the Bellagio."

"What?"

Alan looked over at Doug "We were the Bellagio?"

Doug looked at Alan "Yeah we were shooting craps. You don't remember?"

Stu looked at him sharply "No. No, we don't remember. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy."

"Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?"

"Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer."

I looked up from my hands to Doug "Ruphylin is the date-rape drug. It's a muscle relaxer and a huge side-affect is memory loss. Therefore making it the perfect drug to give someone when you want to do something to them they don't want to do without them remembering."

Doug looked at me weird "How'd you know all that?"

I shrugged "I'm a nurse. Commonly used drugs are best to have memorized."

Stu cut in "Well you sold Alan roofies."

Doug looked at Alan "Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault Alan. Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one. It's funny cause just the other day me and my boy, we were wondering why they even call them roofies. You know what I'm talking about."

Stu shrugged "No. Don't know what you're talking about."

"Why not floories right. Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good name for them."

Alan chimed in "Or how about rapies?"

Stu got this look on his face like he just realized something "Wait, what did you just say?"

Alan looked at him "Rapies."

"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?"

"I said groundies."

"No before that. You said 'you were more likely to end up on the floor than-'"

He paused for a minute and then his eyes widened "PHIL!"

Stu took off running towards Phil and tackled him.

I slid off the hood "Holy shit. What did he think of?"

I saw Phil push Stu and then Stu said something to him.

Alan stood next to me "What are they saying?"

I saw them get up and run towards us "I don't know but I think we need to get in the car."

The three of us crammed into the back seat and get the car. Stu started driving really fast back towards Vegas.

He looked over at Stu "So you know where we put Doug now?"

Stu shrugged "I don't know man. It just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"

Phil nodded "Yeah, we threw it out the window."

Stu shook his head "No, impossible. You can't open windows in Vegas hotels."

"Well, then how did it get-?"

Phil cut himself off thinking. I thought about it too and both hit the same conclusion at the same time with us both yelling out "Oh my God."

Alan looked at us "Whoa, wait. What's going on?"

Stu looked back at him "Doug was trying to signal someone."

Phil chuckled "Holy shit."

Stu nodded "Yes."

"Wait. How did you figure that out?"

"Doug made me realize it."

Phil looked at him confused "Doug?"

"Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug."

Doug pointed at Stu "Hey, hey, easy with shit. Come on."

"Sorry."

Poor Alan looked at them confused "Okay, can someone tell me where white Doug is?"

I smiled at Alan "Yeah he's on the roof."

Stu nodded "Yes he's on the roof. We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof."

Phil leaned back "Like that time in summer camp. We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?"

Stu started laughing "Which was hilarious. It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him."

Doug looked at us "You guys are fucking retarded, you know that?"

Phil shook his head "Holy shit. You think he's still up there?"

Stu looked at him "There's only one way to find out."

* * *

><p>It didn't take us long to get to the hotel. We ran in and the guys headed to the elevator. I headed over to the front desk.<p>

I smiled at the person behind the desk "Hi. My brother is not feeling to well and I was wondering if I could get a wheelchair?"

The person smiled back "No problem. Do you want it here or for it to be sent up to your room?"

I thought about how the room was still pretty dirty "I'll take it now if you don't mind."

The concierge smiled "Sure just wait here for a minute."

A minute later someone brought me a wheelchair "Thank you."

I rolled the chair to the elevator and took it to the top. I walked out of the elevator and waited by the entrance to the roof. The boys came through and I rushed to Doug.

"Here sit down. You have to be dehydrated."

Doug sat down and I rolled him to the elevator. I looked down at him and his red face "Aww, Dougie you're so red."

He gave me a glare so I shut up. We rode the elevator to our room and Doug looked around "What the hell did you guys do?"

I shrugged "It used to be worse. Alan slipped us all roofies so we can't remember." I looked at the guys "You go pack us. I have to take care of Doug."

I started taking Doug to the bathroom "Alan roofied us?"

I nodded and started running cold water in the bathtub "Yeah but it was an accident. He thought it was ecstasy. Now get undressed and hop in while I go get you water."

I walked over to the kitchen area and grabbed a couple of water bottles. I walked back to the bathroom and handed one to Doug.

"Five minutes then get out and put on that bathrobe."

He nodded and I left. I walked to the room Stu was in "Hey you have to go check us out."

Stu sighed and then nodded "I hope they don't charge me too much for the damage."

I shook my head at him pushed him towards the door. I found Alan and told him to go have them bring the car around for us. Five minutes later I had Doug back in the wheel chair and the rest of the guys carrying all our luggage in the elevator going down to leave. Stu was on the phone with the airport trying to find us tickets to get home in time for the wedding. We walked out of the elevator and outside towards Alan.

Stu hung up the phone "Every flight to L.A. is booked."

Phil looked over at him "What about into Burbank?"

"Sold out."

"Oh fuck. We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours. Alan where's the car?"

Alan looked up at him "It's on its way."

Stu looked at us "You know what? We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?"

I looked over and saw Jade sitting at a bench not too far. I nudged Stu and pointed her out.

He looked at her "Just give me one second."

Phil sighed "We will leave without you."

Doug stared after him "Is he missing a tooth?"

Alan snorted "Yeah."

The car pulled around and Phil helped Doug in the back seat.

I stood behind him hovering "Be careful with him baby."

Doug looked at us "Baby?"

Phil shrugged "Yeah we got married."

Doug glared at him "If I wasn't in so much pain I'd punch you."

Phil nodded "Fair enough."

I sighed and got in the car. Alan started fussing over the top and Phil started arguing with him about it. Eventually Phil hoped on it and started stomping it down. Phil came and sat back down in the driver's seat and started yelling at Stu with Alan coping him again. Stu ran over to us and hoped in the car and Phil took off. Phil drove extremely fast and luckily the freeway was pretty clear.

Doug looked at us "At least the trip wasn't a total disaster."

Alan looked at him "What makes you say that?"

Doug stuck his hand in pocket "When I woke up on the roof I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket."

We all started cheering.

Doug smiled at us "Looks like we're going home with some money."

When we got closer to L.A. Alan made a call and soon a van from the Tux Shop pulled up next to us on the freeway and tossed the guys suits and we pulled over so they could change while I did my hair and make-up. We got back on the road quickly and drove as fast as we could to the Garner house. We pulled up out front and we all ran inside. The wedding party that was waiting for us turned and looked at all of us.

Stu cleared his throat "Hey. Sorry, mapquest took us on a really crazy route."

I ran over to where my bridesmaid dress was and looked at the boys "Go get in place. We have a wedding to start."

The guys ran to outside where the wedding was set. Tracy looked at me as I was changing into my dress.

"What happened?"

I zipped up my dress and grabbed my bouquet "Too long of a story for now. You have to go walk down the aisle."

I got in line ready to walk down the aisle with Phil.

He looked at me "Ready."

I looked up and smiled "Yup."

He looked forward and we started walking down the aisle. At the end we split and I stood on the bride's side. I watched the flower girl's and then I watched Tracy walk down the aisle looking beautiful. She reached Doug and they started whispering. Eventually she smiled at him grabbed his hand.

Throughout the ceremony Phil kept smiling at me making me blush. Eventually it was time for Doug to kiss Tracy and we all cheered. The walked down the aisle with the bridal party following. We went to the area where the reception was being held. Phil was holding my hand when his ex-wife walked up to us with their son, Eli.

"Here I can't stay. His bag is in the house. You are still keeping for the week right?"

Phil nodded "Yeah see you later Steph."

He leaned down and picked up his son "Hey bud, how was your soccer game?"

Eli smiled at his dad "It was great." He then looked at me "Hi Monroe."

I smiled at him "Hey Eli."

Phil looked at me and then back to his son "Hey bud you wanna know a secret?"

Eli nodded. Phil chuckled "Well while I was gone I got married to Roe. Isn't that cool?"

Eli started smiling and nodding. We had always gotten along and I was happy to know he liked Phil and me together."

Phil smiled "Great. How about we go get some food."

We walked to the food tent and grabbed some food for us and we sat down.

I looked up and saw Melissa headed towards Stu. I groaned "Uh oh."

Phil looked up "What?"

He saw Melissa and groaned too. We watched as they started arguing. Melissa yelled out the word fuck and Phil moved to cover Eli's ears. I smiled at how cute he was with his son. Eventually Melissa yelled out "THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS!"

Stu yelled right back "OH GOOD. BECAUSE WHATEVER THIS IS AIN'T WORKING FOR ME!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!"

Stu hit the table to emphasize his point.

Alan looked at him "You told me it was a bartender."

"Oh you're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."

Melissa glared at him "You're an idiot."

"You're-you- ugh. You're such a bad person. Like, all the way through to your core. Alan, shall we dance?"

We watched Stu run to the dance floor and Alan trailed after a moment.

I looked over at Phil and saw him a huge smile on his face "Go join them. I'll stay with Eli."

He smiled at me kissed me. He jumped up and ran over to his best friends. I smiled watching them dance.

* * *

><p>When the reception died down we were all sitting on the patio and Phil had a sleeping Eli in his lap.<p>

Stu looked at Doug "Dougie I gotta tell you man this was a gorgeous wedding."

Phil shrugged "I give it six months."

I punched him in the shoulder and Stu called him a dick.

Doug laughed "Bound to last longer than yours."

I snorted "I don't know. But we'll defiantly see.

Doug sighed "I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?"

Stu laughed "Yeah. I just wish that we could actually remember some of it."

Alan walked up to us with a camera in his hand "Hey guys look at what I found."

Stu sat up "Whoa that's my camera."

"Yeah it was lodged in the back seat of the car."

My jaw dropped "Are there photos on there?"

"Yeah. Some of it was worse than we thought."

Phil sat up "No fucking way. Give me that."

Doug stood up "Wait, wait, wait. We look at these pictures together okay? One time. And then we delete the evidence."

Stu stood up "I say we delete it right now."

Phil stood up as well "Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital. Is that in there?"

Alan laughed "Yeah it's in there,"

Doug held up his hands "Guys, one time. Deal?"

We all said deal. Doug held up the camera and turned it on. First picture had us grimacing.

Stu yelled out "Oh dear lord."

Alan laughed "That's classic."


End file.
